


You wanna know why I did it?

by Smartasslittlesteve



Series: Ben’s Death Theories [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Ben died, Child Abuse, Depression, Gen, Post Season 1, Sibling Bonding, Suicide, Torture, but he’s alive again, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 02:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18294776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smartasslittlesteve/pseuds/Smartasslittlesteve
Summary: Anniversaries are hard, especially when it’s your own death.Or Ben struggles to deal with the anniversary of his suicide





	You wanna know why I did it?

     “Ben are you drunk?” Five asked walking in on Ben curled up in one of the living room chairs.

 

    “Yeah...”

 

    “Why?”

 

    “What’s the date?” Ben asked cryptically. 

 

    “July Seventeenth why-“ he cut himself off with his realization. “Oh,”

 

    “Yeah, it’s just, anniversaries fuck you up and, I know I’m not dead, but it’s hard,” he sighed before taking another swig from the bottle in his arms.

 

    “Let’s just put this away alright,” Five gently took the alcohol away from him and put it away at the bar.

 

    “Please don’t tell Klaus, I’ve put so much pressure on him to stay clean and I don’t want to disappoint him,”

 

    “Hey it’s okay, I won’t tell him I promise,”

 

    “It’s pretty pathetic huh, I tried death to get away from this, and it just made everything worse, so now I’m resorting to the thing that I watched ruin my best friends life,” Ben laughed self deprecatingly, tears rolling down his chubby cheeks.

 

    “Ben no don’t talk like that, you’re so strong,”

 

    “Ben are you okay?” Vanya asked, Allison trailing behind her.

 

    “I thought that being dead would get rid of the pain, but it just made it worse, so much fucking worse,” Ben continued to slur, caught in his own world.

 

    “Ben, why? We were all there for you,” Allison asked resting a hand on his shoulder.

 

    “They were gonna kill me eventually anyways, why not just speed up the process, I was in so much fucking pain, and The Horrors were mad. So I ended things in my terms, not theirs,” everyone stayed silent, letting him talk, his eyes far away as he remembered the events that lead to his death.

 

    “I don’t know about you guys but personal training was torture, and I actually mean torture. That bastard watched from his control panel as I screamed in pain for hours strapped to that goddamn metal table, The Horrors lashing out at anything that moved as we were tortured. He just fucking watched, jotting notes in his journal as he tortured his son. He didn’t give a shit when I died. I may have pulled the trigger but he loaded the gun and put it to my head with instructions on how to use it and thoughts in my head of death with every scream he tore from my lungs and every volt he sent through those dammed electrodes. And now, I get to do it all over again, tonight will be my first personal training session. I’ll live this time, but I’ll go through so much pain first,” Ben was actively bawling by the end of his story, hiccups interrupting every few words while his siblings could only watch as sweet little Ben fell apart in front of them. Sweet little Ben who slept with a stuffed animal every night. Kind Ben who would comfort anyone who needed it, no matter what. Generous Ben, who spent a years worth of allowance buying them all presents for their birthday. Loving Ben who patched up wounds and held his siblings close after a fight. Gentle Ben who never wanted to hurt anyone no matter what. Innocent Ben who loved ice cream and sweets more then anything. Brave Ben who was terrified of The Horrors that lived inside him but was never mean to them. Their little brother Ben, who held everyone together and made them feel like a real family.

 

    The four wrapped him in a tight hug, each doing their best to show him how much they loved him. Each coming to the decision that they would never let the monster who abused them lay another hand on him or anyone else in their family.

 

    “C’mon, let’s head up to your room,” Vanya said softly helping Ben up. The ghost boy just nodded and followed behind her, curling up under his covers as soon as they had gotten to his room. The six stuffies sat on the side of his bed, a gorilla, a wolf, a green harron, a wolf, an owl, and a swan. His octopus having been given to Klaus when they were young.

 

    Five popped in with some water, Advil, Bens favourite book, Frankenstein, and some crackers for him to munch on. “If there’s anything else you need, don’t hesitate to ask us Ben, we’re not gonna let you go this time,” Allison said, tucking him in and handing him the wolf.

 

    “Don’t tell Klaus,” Ben pleaded already slipping to sleep.

 

    “We won’t,” they all promised before leaving him alone, they had a torture chamber to destroy.

 

    “Hey Pogo,” Allison got the monkeys attention as he walked by.

 

    “Yes miss Allison?”

 

    “I heard a rumour you showed us where Bens training tonight is going to happen,” Pogo turned gesturing for them to follow him as they walked to the elevator that would take them to the basement. 

 

    The four walked into the room, it was exactly as Ben described, a stark white room with a metal table in the middle. There was a machine under the table that likely was the source of Bens torture, on the left there was a raised window that showed a small control room.

 

    “Well, let’s fuck this place up,” Diego said.

 

    “This could be good training for Vanya, destroy the room but nothing outside of it,” Allison suggested.

 

    “But I need a sound,” everyone fell silent for a minute before Allison began singing.

 

    “Children behave, that’s what they say when we’re together,”

 

    “But what would they say and so were,” Diego joined.

 

    “Running just as fast as we can, holding onto one another’s hand,” Five rolled his eyes but smiled.

 

    Vanya closed her eyes and focused on the song letting the energy flow out of her, first focusing on the glass to the control room, shattering it, then the panel, then the table and the machine underneath, destroying everything by the time the son ended.

 

    “You did awesome!” Allison yelled hugging her.

 

    “Thanks,” she smiled, following Five out of the room.

 

    “Hey Benny,” Klaus said flopping onto his bed.

 

    “Hey K, what’s up?”

 

    “I’m just bored, and trying to distract myself because I could really go for a high right now,” He whined.

 

    “Well, What do you want to do?”

 

    “Can I do you makeup?” Klaus asked, his eyes lighting up.

 

    “Sure,” Ben smiled. Klaus smiled and ran to his room to get his makeup, nearly running past his door in his haste.

 

    Ben has to giggle as he barged into his room with a crazed look in his eyes. The alcohol wearing off a bit leaving him just tipsy.

 

    “Alright Benny, let’s glam you up,”

 

 

    “Looking Good Ben!” Allison whistled as the group walked into his room.

 

    “Why thank you,” Klaus said as dramatically as possible, pretending to flip his unusually short hair. “I’ll be right back I need to grab my lipstick!”

 

    “Does he know?” Five asked once he left the room.

 

    “Yeah of course,” Ben smiled, still hugging his stuffie close.

 

    “Okay I’m back! How would I have been able to live with myself if I didn’t give this angel a purple lip,”

 

    “We destroyed the room,” Diego finally said.

 

    “Huh,” Ben scrunched his eyebrows but made sure he didn’t move his mouth.

 

    “The one dad used for you, we destroyed it,”

 

    “You- it’s- Thank you,” he chocked out, tears ruining his freshly done makeup.

 

    “You’re our baby brother, we’d do anything for you,” Klaus said.

 

    “Okay I know I technically lived 13 years less then you guys but dealing with his shit should add at least 20 years to my age!” He jokingly argued as he got pulled into a group hug. The feeling of his family being a family again filling his with a warm happiness.


End file.
